Ten years ago
a cosmic lightning bolt struck through my energy system. It was 5th
of April, 2005 and I was participating in a week long shamanic workshop in
Scotland exploring my zodiac through shamanic journeying. On the last day the
group did a procession to a power point where allegedly the energies of Venus
connect with the core of the Earth. Already at the beginning of the procession
I started feeling very weird, my energy body was expanding rapidly on its own
accord and I could not make sense of what was happening. Simultaneously the
feeling and the sensation was that my physical body was shrinking and getting
weaker and weaker as the increased high voltage energy took hold of me. I had
great difficulties following the procession getting up along the spiraling path
to the top. Somewhere in my being I knew something substantial was going on and
I tried to surrender, but some fear crept in as my ego fought and tried to
understand the impossible. Finally at the top of the power point I collapsed
and fell on my knees with my head to the ground just sobbing out of exhaustion and the shire power of the expansion, in great bewilderment and with excruciating pain all over my physical
body. My energy field continued to expand further and I lost my outer sight, my
consciousness partially leaving the body and within seconds or what seemed
instantaneous I was transported into a blazing white light penetrating all
layers of my being, also the physical body, all the way down to the bones. I was
literally electrified with an enormous power as if struck by lightning.
The pain was
unbearable, yet there was a sense of layered presence and somewhere a feeling
of surrender and clarity, some part of me was saying it’s all right, just go
with it. A strange telepathic transmission took place, scattering my world view
forever through this all-encompassing experience. One of the things the blazing
light was saying “this is who you are”, this is “who everybody is if only they
knew”. I was muttering “you must have the wrong person, I’m not ready for this”
but the light disagreed.
I literally thought
I was dying, but after a while – I was told later by those around me that it
was about 20 minutes – I started to feel the earth underneath my body again, my
consciousness slowly returning. I was so weak I had to be helped down the path;
my body had lost all its strength. My friends helped me inside the building,
laid me on the floor and tucked me under a blanket, my body was shivering and ice
cold. Someone brought Rescue Remedy and dropped a few drops under my tongue. A
few hours later I was brought home and fell into my bed sleeping 30 hours in
one go, trying to recover from what could only be described as a traumatic
event for the body, the personality and my ego.
It took me
months before I could start to make some initial sense (if that’s even
possible) of what had happened to me. I wrote down the experience in order to
ground it and help integrate. I did not speak to anyone about it; at the time I
did not know who to turn to and somehow knew this was outside most people’s
experience, even those on a spiritual path, at least those around me and that I
would be quite alone in my exploration into what had happened to me. Eventually
this pushed me into an extensive (slightly obsessive for some years, I can say
now) study into the Esoteric Philosophies and Ageless Wisdom traditions of the
world searching for a more grounded understanding into my nature in hope of
some explanation to this lightning bolt. In the coming years the peak
experiences continued although they were not as dramatic as the one I have
described here, nevertheless I entered a period where my ego was scattered and
all the conditioned ways in which I had identified with my personality were
ripped apart, rendering a total redefining of my identity and my identification.
It has taken
me many, many years (still work in progress) to integrate the shift and I’ve
gone through stages of delusion and moments of inflated ego-aggrandizement to surrender to the Divine. I’ve learned that peak-experiences come and go
and in-between we integrate and continue to “chop wood and carry water”. It is
a continuing practice in surrender and humbleness in the face of the great
mystery between the dance of the Divine Mother and the Divine Father.
A year after
this event I withdrew for 2,5 years into seclusion to the Finnish country-side
renting a cottage by the Baltic Sea with vast forests just behind the house. My
nervous system was hyper and on high alert most of the time as I continued my study
and meditation practice, which felt more like a process of downloading and
remembering, I did hardly anything else, but I felt held, inspired and guided
in my solitude. Thank God for the forest and its balancing quality on my energy
field, it was so fiery and electric most of the time. Just outside my door
there was a triangle of conifers, I used to sit under them, sometimes in the
middle of the night, to help calm my energy body, they became important allies
in my quest to connect and stay on Earth.
The cosmic bolt
had ignited a partial kundalini awakening and since then I have been in a
cosmic washing machine, its centrifugal spin, clearing and purifying my soul
field. I understood fairly quickly that the kundalini awakening was partial because I was not fully incarnated in my physical body; the trunk to carry the electrical
currents was not strong nor grounded enough. During these years of spiritual
emergence I had a lot of pain in my body, my bones and my spine, sometimes it
felt like my little house and I would go up in flames as even the house started
sparkling with electrical currents.
To get myself
fully into my body has been a process of putting the “genie back into the
bottle” and for the body and the personality this has not always been easy, but
finally after about 9 years since this burning ground was ignited by the
lightning bolt I can say I have arrived home to the core of the Divine Mother
and her nurturing primordial darkness without losing track of the light of the
Divine Father. The pain is gone, the currents of my energies flow now more evenly
above and below and my heart has expanded remarkably.
In the process
I lost my outer financial security and my worldly belongings but gained my
sanity, humanity and divinity. I am forever grateful.
“The
shock throughout all realms is a Call for the realization of harmony,
cooperation and of unity”.
"Beloved Cosmic Mother & Father, if I ever forget that I am your beloved, please find a way to remind me - thank you!"
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