The Sun of The Sun of The Sun

 

 

                                                        Painting, Edvard Munch

 

Heart as microcosmos of the Sun and belly as Earth

Looking up at the night sky, I often watch with astonishment on the millions and millions of stars shining against the dark plasma, reflecting on how and if we humans are aware of how our own light is flickering back here on Earth? We are star-dust, made both of the heavens and of the Earth, yet many are totally unaware of our cosmic origins or our Gaia nature. I get the sense, that the heavenly side of this equation is watching and flickering its light right back at me and also feel, that during my life-time the heavens seem to have come closer. Many esoterically oriented people, and nowadays also progressive physicists refer to humanity as a planetary neural network of unaware, semi-aware and conscious neurons within the etheric body and auric field of the Earth.

Another example is the “Morphic resonance fields theory”, introduced by Rupert Sheldrake. Somehow this is echoing the ancient mysterious book “The Cloud of Unknowing”, describing the field from which artists, mystics, inventors, new thinkers and ordinary men and women alike, tap into and seek inspiration and ideas. Really, what they are tapping into is the field of collective wisdom residing on soul-levels. Equally physicists excited and eagerly pursuing the holographic Universe models, look upon humanity as souls projecting their light, or lack of it, to their “event horizons”. In their view, we are the Universes reflections, its co-creators and storytellers. We exist in a holographic lattice of reality in an eternal circuit of consciousness.  

The inner is always expressed in the outer, which then causes the inner, both personal and collective fields to expand further. Currently we are watching artificial intelligence (AI) taking strides, and as with all new technologies there are huge gains on the horizon and equally dark clouds of trepidation and fear. Discernment is needed and what better bullshit-detector than your own Sun/heart or your belly/Earth.

What is it in my personal electromagnetic field which constitutes the flickering light? Is my light just a tiny little neural point, or a larger synapse in an unseen information highway.  I’ve come to the conclusion that the emanating light originates from my heart, deeply grounded in and as Mother Earth. Spreading and expanding to include my whole being. I am breathing in a toroidal field of soul infused beingness expanding and imploding, in the rhythm of the cosmos. Deep within my energetic heart caverns is a singularity point, a mini black hole/whole, connecting the earthbound with the heavenly bound in my field. I am the bridge, constantly becoming.

I’ve learned and felt that I have three distinct energetic hearts. Let me explain how I think, but first I have to make another threefold division. For simplicity’s sake there is 1) the part of me which is Earth bound, represented by the base and the sacral centres, governed by the elements of earth and water. 2) There is the part of me representing individuality and humanity, held by the solar plexus and the heart centre, governed by the elements of fire and air and lastly 3) the part of me which is heavenly, represented by the throat and the crown centres, governed by purified etheric substance and deva-essence. This third part does not really become fully active or relevant until the earth-bound part has been purified and integrated. Equally individuality, through the individuation process and spiritual work needs to be surrendered to the greater whole, the soul and heart of humanity as a whole.

Our gravest imbalance lies in having forgotten the Earth-bound elements of earth and water within us. In our naivety, greed and selfishness these have been relegated to resources ever to be extracted and exploited, killing the very foundation upon which life depends. We have to return to Mother Earth in an understanding of loving care and stewardship, if we are to save ourselves. Indigenous people still hold this wisdom and we have a lot to learn from them. 

 

Now you may wonder, why don’t I mention the Ajna or third eye centres, nor the Alta Major centre? These centres are late bloomers in the expanding electromagnetic spiritually inspired aura. They are synthesizing centres, opening in due course as the process naturally proceeds successfully. Another important, seldom mentioned in New Age parlance, is the spleen centre, that too synthesizes and builds the bridge between matter and spirit. It is as huge double centre with six energy streams flowing downward towards Earth and six energy streams flowing upward towards soul and spirit. Here’s an example from ten years ago on how I worked with some of the shadows in my spleen, inspired by the Gene Key teachings, given out by Richard Rudd, as well as my skills as an Esoteric Healer, teachings given by the Tibetan through Alice A. Bailey.

https://cosmicdewdrops.blogspot.com/search/label/Shadow%20of%20Control

Let’s get back to the three energetic hearts. The solar plexus I feel is the heart of my personhood, my individuality, how I shine my light here in this three-dimensional world, corresponding to the physical Sun. The many layered heart centre, with its twelve energy streams is really my humanity. Its opening is delicate, often it has protected us so long, rightfully shielded us from hurt, asking initially that we respect the defences we may have created and hidden in the unconscious. When opened it naturally understands our inter-connectedness, reconnects to our innate kingdoms of Nature as well as our heavenly firmament, corresponding with the heart of the Sun. The Sun loves, spreads and shines its light and love equally to animals, plants and Earth as a whole, as should we. Minerals and precious stones, corresponding to the crystals in our bone-structure, need darkness and pressure to form. What a gorgeous miniature Sun-sparkle they shine once they reveal their beauty. Great example of the necessity of tension and pressure to produce exquisite beauty. This tension we humans also need in order to unfold our gifts of true Self & Soul & Spirit. Mother Earth, living Gaia provides just the right challenge for this becoming and unfolding. The Sun loves us too, so why are we trying to block it?

Lastly the upper heart centre, above the Thymus, corresponding to the spiritual Sun, connecting to Galactic and Interdimensional levels. This only properly opens when a good portion of “the great work” has been done. No more is the soul’s causal field much wayed down by personal and ancestral trauma & karma, but steps up to alleviate collective and planetary burdens. It’s also the stage, when the monad, pure spirit, makes its presence undoubtedly known, having made small inroads already a bit earlier. This process is not linear, rather a downward and upward spiralling flow. We move to more encompassing levels of service.  

 

 

We could also make another analogy; these three hearts represent the movement from 3D through 4D-5D to 6D and above. Third dimension is the pure materialistic orientation of an unevolved solar plexus. Fourth dimension starts to open up the heart through discernment and questioning, the decent into unresolved trauma layers becomes necessary, starting the purification of the water and the earth elements of the Earth-bound centres. The heart centre has both feminine and masculine energy streams and is the centre where these inner qualities will eventually come into balance. The first stage calls for the masculine energy to start to sort out the inner world, developing the capacity to examine your own thoughts, beliefs and emotions, observing and making adjustments. The second, more feminine energy stage, invites us to melt whatever is blocking the expansion. Both are needed. The feminine energy here also represents the surrender to a higher force, soul. Through the melting we bring in more fifth dimensional architecture, sacred geometry, which corrects the etheric body and re-calibrates the nervous system. Note the harmonizing work here, one force builds new form, new thought and the other melts and surrenders the old. Both are needed for the alchemy to work. The souls greatest yearning is to change age old patterns to support growth and evolution, but in order to do so she needs to be allowed in and fully embody.

A lot of work would have had to happen for the upper heart opening to start, allowing the first glimpse of pure fire of spirit and connection with the monad, the spark of God within you. The atrophied thymus reawakens and a new powerful inner growth commences, it is a big jump, usually connected to the third, transfiguration initiation. The sixth-dimension anchors us deeply into our soul field(s), to pure spirit, ideals and ideas. Through morphic fields we are led into an ocean of love, the soul’s deepest character and our true nature as eternal souls is revealed. This dimension opens us up for interconnectedness with higher spiritual dimensions.

Absolutely none of this expansion is possible without deep love for Mother Earth and her kingdoms, her heart and her livingness, the foundation has to be solid. Without it, the womb/lower belly and the base, expansion experiences will potentially have a lot of distortions and integration will become much harder. We could say that the gut is a fourth heart, another good bullshit-detector, which keeps us grounded and healthy. The intestines have a direct communication channel with both our heart and brain. We are meant to be a bridge between matter and spirit, all else becomes easily some version of spiritual bypassing. This embodied ground has been the main missing link during past, how many, thousands of years. We are not meant to escape the Earth, rather uplift her by bringing spirit through us.

Could this be the reason why for instance the Dalai Lama or famous Sufi teacher Llewellyn Vaughen-Lee both speak about the importance of the coming Age of the Divine Feminine. Women, have a more direct relationship, through our wombs to the element of water and the womb of Mother Earth. As a species we have to find a way to correct the purely masculine misguided left-brain dominance of today. I agree, although personally, I sense that spiritually oriented men can equally form a very profound, and some have, deep and embodied inner connection with their earth-bound energy, harmonizing with Mother Earth as a whole. The heart centre is a synthesizing, balancing centre, neither masculine nor feminine, rather once fully open hermaphrodite in nature.

In this life my soul came in with the rising sign, soul sign in Leo, governed by the Sun on both the soul, spirit and hierarchical levels. As my spiritual journey has progressed, understanding all these layers of my inner Suns/hearts has been important, and maybe gives also you something to think about, as I open up some of my thinking. With each expansion the previous stage, after a period of integration and widening understanding, has found its proper place and function. It’s not that the ego has to die, personhood just has to find its rightful place as a servant to soul & spirit. Lots of traps on the way, discernment can never be abandoned.

We say: “All roads lead to Rome”, well in spiritual work we might say: “All roads lead to the heart”. She is the great alchemist, the centre where the great marriage between inner feminine and masculine finally come to rest, therefore bringing also the two halves of the brain into balance, enabling the twelve craniosacral nerves to reach coherence through the Kundalini activated and purified central channel, thus opening the inner eye and your wings. Yes, yes, we have WINGS – invisible as of yet, but who knows, maybe soon we will see them as our etheric vision further develops! Your true essence has been transformed and transfigured into an angelic human, a rare species still in this day and age on Earth. Nevertheless, this is where evolution is taking us and the numbers are growing in the millions now. From the caterpillar the butterfly is born, or like the dragonfly, who suddenly decides to climb up a stalk, from its predatory underwater life, transforms into an exquisite form of flying beauty. It happens in Nature all the time and it takes place within us humans as well, albeit the process is slower. Although right now we seem to be in a quickening phase of this remarkable transformation.

Currently the Sun is in solar-maximum spitting out solar flares, bringing penetrating high velocity Galactic gamma rays to be absorbed by Earth and all her life-forms. Living Gaia, Mother Earth is answering the call with heightened, irregular Schumann resonances, she is waking up from within, offering us challenging weather patterns, catastrophic fires, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions as she clears her way, purifying in her own transformation. She is heating up from inside, just like all the planets in our solar system currently. Fire and heat are always needed for transformation, be it a planet or a human being. Tension and chaos are equally needed for any species to make such a quantum leap into a higher life form, a transformation, which in our time and age reaches deep within our cells and DNA. The more people are brought into this awakening voluntarily, through loss of meaning in the crumbling of old structures, the stronger the morphic field for the necessary changes becomes, tipping the scales for humanity, enabling an evolutionary jump, it seems inevitable. We sure seem to be creating a lot of chaos currently. Looking at the topsy-turvy chaos of today’s world, where most things seem to be upside down and therefore sometimes impossible to comprehend, it might ease our discomfort to take this grander view of being part of an amazing, never before seen group effort of transformation, transfiguration and metamorphoses.

In the awakening process we see people abandoning the strict hold of the ego as the central point of reference, i.e. the dominance of a congested and overactive solar plexus. It is still a centre of separation and selfishness rules. Eventually, we get tired of our moodiness, stress, tension, obsessions, irritations and selfishness and start questioning our beliefs, we start to transmute the congested emotions into aspiration, altruism, compassion and love, the heart starts to open. It is as if the collective solar plexus has entered a self-destructive process, destroying and trying to re-balance itself from the inside. Its long reign is coming to an end. Faced with extinction, rapidly falling childbirth rates globally, environmental challenges, wars, depression, lack of meaning and other mental and physical maladies, our greed just has to stop, we have to return to simplicity.

The mineral kingdom is in our base-centre, the plant kingdom in our sacral centre and the animal kingdom in our solar plexus. What do we see? Human beings turning more and more towards their hearts to make sense of the chaotic world and the animal kingdom struggling in its sixth extinction event, reacting both to our mistreatment of them and the powerful new energies flowing in.

Here’s a quote from a blog post on the Solar Plexus from ten years ago:

“Unfortunately our current one-sided reliance on mainstream science and academia are polarized in the solar plexus, they have become our new religion if followed blindly and dogmatically. We think rational thinking is the pinnacle of our being and we are for instance not allowed, in most places, to bring our emotions into the workplace. Because the solar plexus is a structured centre, it gives us initially safety, and we try to resolve and control our more unstructured, often chaotic emotional expressions by pushing them under the radar of the socially acceptable norm of behaviour. We put a lid on! This is a massive cul-de-sac. If we distance ourselves from our emotions, we easily become arrogant, thinking we are better, cooler, more sophisticated, more intelligent, therefore better than our fellow human beings. We make a lot of comparison in this bandwidth to boost our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth. If we distance ourselves too much we get totally cut off from our emotions and create a very sterile and numb environment. The mind is a very beautiful tool, but it needs to be used wisely and not allow it to alone rule the show.”

This ego battle field has been apparently visible and obvious during the past five years of mis-; dis-; and mal-information, world-wide crisis one after the other, it is hard to keep up. The solar plexus is the centre for the lower mental plane, concrete mind, very skilled with the power of words and boy how brutally we play this out on social media today, avoiding responsibility by extending that power to the algorithms to determine our fate. The old ways do not work anymore and something has to give. This bandwidth of humanity has ruled the show for such a long time, it currently fights fiercely for its supremacy, survival and privileges. What will it take for us to turn to our hearts, to Mother Earth who nourishes us and provides us with endless patience? What will it take for us to realize we are her; she is not separate from us; her elements are my elements. We need to build anew our foundation as earthlings, as custodians of this beautiful Planet.  

We women get a tiny taste of this metamorphosis during our menopause, whether we are spiritually oriented or not. For me, the menopause coincided with my kundalini awakening process, producing heat coming both from below and above, exploding in my heart. Luckily, I was privileged at the time and could withdraw into retreat mode for a couple of years. I could allow the inner expansions and explosions without restraint or dampening medications. It is a natural process where a woman, if she is so inclined, finds her deeper inner wisdom. Like the heart, the womb has many layers and secrets to tell, planet Earth is a watery planet and my waters and her waters are the same. 

Air is the medium in the upper centres, and the messages from the soul are carried through the water in the Earth bound centres.

 

 

Ages ago, must be some 35 years ago now, my higher Self offered me a few hints. I had just started a more regular daily meditation practice and in a sequence of a week, two symbols were presented for my inner eye several times to ensure they were etched into my consciousness. The first was the Egyptian symbol, the Ankh, the key of life, and the second a shimmering DNA-strand of chromosomes, which showed additional strands of the DNA being lighted up, actually all of them.  At the time I didn’t know or remember what the Ankh was, it took some research and later some remembering to appreciate this symbol to the fullest. I didn’t read too much into these inner visions then, but in hindsight I can appreciate that they initiated a process in me, which to date is still ongoing.  One might think, oh, what a slow process, 35 years, but in the bigger scheme of things one life-time for the soul is like a blip from a cosmic perspective. When grand cosmic initiatory processes are initiated, like the one we are in the midst of right now, impacting the whole of our Solar System one may appreciate, WOW how did I manage to be here right now when everything is changing. I’m sure many of you have the same feeling and appreciation. A cosmic initiatory process puts our current obsession on climate crisis in a much wider perspective, humanity may not be the sole culprit after all. We have to grow up and clean up this planet, that is for sure, but in order to do that, we cannot be “the cancer” of this planet, as some propose, rather learn to deeply love ourselves as part of the planet, and stop the illusion of separation.

In the Ageless Wisdom teachings imparted to humanity through Blavatsky, Leadbeater, Besant, Bailey, Steiner, the Roerich’s and many others, some hundred years ago, all refer to the “lower centres” and cleavages we carry. Unfortunately, the reference to “lower centres” has been too often interpreted as less than or somehow inferior to “higher centres”. We have also all been, in the West, influenced by Christianity’s devastating concept of sin. I call these centres the Earth-bound centres, those in which I am her. Naturally the times when these teachings came, there was a huge emphasis in spirituality on purely the transcendent, as if only reaching upward toward the light was the only saving force. American philosopher Ken Wilber introduced the concept “transcend and include”, we are only now slowly learning the include part of his concept. We’ve come a long way, understanding the unconscious, deep psychology, trauma, epigenetics, ancestral and environmental influences as well as quantum physics, entanglements, expansions in astronomy and cosmology. It’s been a revelation for many to learn to appreciate the sacredness of matter, the holy grail of the body and Mother Earth – God lives in absolutely everything. Pantheism is on the rise among philosophers.

Not long ago, I visited an exquisite, beautiful Eastern Orthodox church in Central Finland. As I and my friends were meditating in their church, we could sense the absolutely gorgeous upper temple upheld and created there throughout decades of spiritual work by the monks. But there was no body, the energy was cut off at the throat and heart levels, hardly any flow to the earth-bound centres. They felt like a frozen lake. Luckily, they had a long row of gorgeous huge conifers along both sides of the road leading up to the church. Here we found the flow of the earth-bound energy and thanked the trees for their service. A reminder that Earth ever seeks homeostasis and we better join her in that endeavour.

Back to Helena B, Annie B, Alice B and Helena R, and other brave women during that first impulse. I have always marvelled about these women amanuenses of the Spiritual Hierarchy - the brothers and sisters, who have graduated Earth school and guide us from the inner side of life. These women were real pioneers in female individuation, sticking with and following their inner call. Something in their constitution allowed the downloads to ground, as they all found powerful manifestations and forms on the physical plane to bring forth what was coming through them. I suspect they had good foundation, were in contact with their earth-bound centres of water and earth, even though their mental thoughts flew high.

Individuation for women was still a rare thing a hundred years ago, still is in many parts of the world. It was early days for the women’s liberation movement, for equal rights and the pursuit of your own inner calling or study of any kind for that matter. This had been a sole male privilege for thousands of years and whenever there is privileges, there are blind spots. Most women in the West are well on their way in their individuation process, some of them have expanded and stepped onto the spiritual path and some have consciously entered the crucible of soul-infusion and alchemy. I lift my hat and honour all these women. It is not an easy path, not for the faint hearted.  In this current shift of the ages, souls in female bodies will encounter the collective trauma of the suppressed divine feminine, stuck and frozen in layers of matter as well as in soul fields. The alchemy and embodiment can be painful for the physical body as thousands of years of blocks and frozen energy is released back into healthy flow.

I see this women’s individuation process, in just a few generations, clearly in my own maternal line. My grandmother was uneducated and had fourteen children, my mother being number thirteen. She, in turn, was a self-educated house wife with four children, I am number three. One thing our mother hammered into us four girls, was to see to it that we educated ourselves and never found ourselves in the position of having to depend financially on a man. What did I do? I followed her advice, albeit with trepidation because of my dyslexia, study was hard in those early years, but I persevered. One of my painful childhood wounds, which later became a womb for transformation. We work with the hand we are dealt.

I had a short marriage, one child and self-sufficiency financially through a successful career in international industry. I can only be grateful for my mother’s sober advice; individuation became possible and when the time was ripe, the spiritual path opened up. Dyslexics, I later learned, tend to have their upper temple open, spiritual- and artist communities are full of them. Individuation is a pre-requisite, one has to know who one is, in order to know what and who one can become.

It is now twenty years since I left the busy business world and committed myself fully to my spiritual path, opening, melting and absorbing and embodying layer after layer of expanding heart. I’m an elder now, a sound-board for other like-minded in transformation, writing my blog, leading meditations and the occasional workshop now and then, following the world accelerating its chaos, waiting for the soul of humanity to awaken on mass. The soul opens the heart(s). It’s time!

Thank you for reading,

love…Micaela

 

 

 

Soul returns & burns

Artist: Sari Komulainen / Micaela's GeneKeys / 70th birthday present

Seventy years of age, how did that happen? For the first time this feels different than other round numbers my mortal coil has reach in this life. It feels I am entering a time of distilling the essence of my core, what, my dear soul, are these later crone years about? By now I know, I am nothing without you. As you have been returning, embodying into your sacred temple, my personhood and body, with her likes and dislikes, her importance has diminished. I am a carrier of your splendour, important yes, but really only for the purpose of housing your radiant love & light.

You have been arriving, taking abode in me for a long time, consciously I’ve been aware of the process for some forty years. It all started, guided by my intuition around my 30^th birthday. I suspect Saturn, the great celestial teacher had his way, insisted with the wake-up calls. Sphere by sphere, layer by layer you landed and transformed me from the inside out. Sometimes it has been gentle, sometimes brutal and painful, all depending on how much I have resisted and/or put up a fight. Tension and resistance are your favourite tools as nothing comes about without them, life would be boring without striving and finding the inner courage to step outside our comfort zones. A question therefore at this threshold could be: “What is the resistance now, at seventy?” I shall sit with that.

As long as I am alive, I can continue asking the question: “who am I”. Know thyself is the deepest longing for a human being.  As a perspective or a point of view of the ONE, this question is forever dynamic, holistic and interconnected, inspiring consciousness as the capacity to know myself. We have free will, therefore the choice to explore is voluntary. The ONE explores itself through the myriads of perspectives of consciousnesses, and in that sea of ideas, ideals, thoughts, feelings and sensations mine are one. That is the premise for how you should read my blog.

In the beginning, when I had called upon you, because you do not come without an invitation, despite my call, I resisted. Typical Libra oscillation those early years, material worldly life vs. deepening spiritual life. Which would it be? This took a few decades at least. Your early dances with me were violent and painful sometimes, teaching me through tough love. I didn’t get, nor understand the intricacy, actually the genius design, of the holographic mirror effect, how my inner state of mind was reflected in my outer world of circumstances. How life offered ample occasions and opportunities to look at unconscious patterns or trauma arising from my shadow. I, like most of us, had to hit my head against the wall many times, repeating semi-automatically some unhealthy pattern, until it dawned on me, that I myself am the answer to any unresolved issue, unpleasant experience, perceived rejection and heart ache or any misfortune I experienced. Mid-life crisis, at the latest, is usually when this realization comes, if it’s to come.  Many times, I said “that’s enough”, leave me alone. When this happened, I filled my time with irrelevant distractions, soon to notice my error and like a wet dog returning to his/her master from rushed escapades, by some strange invisible hand I returned to the inner call. Deep down a belief grew stronger, that only you, my wiser higher Self & Soul could free me from the confusion and the sense of lostness I experienced in the earlier part of my life. Thankfully you insisted, you never left my side, despite my confusion. Your will and fire were so much stronger than the small will of my personhood, even if I tried, your force could not be distinguished. With each decade the flame grew stronger. Eventually the only thing to do was to surrender. Finally, even that is more than twenty years ago now, I said: “okey, I’ll listen to you now, I’ll listen to you 110 %”; I committed. That’s when your downpouring begun in earnest and with it the burning of the layers in the field of causal old dross. I had come to a cross-road of no-return, a kind of live and change or die moment. Faith was tested many times, as real alchemy is impersonal and does not really care about the alchemist her/himself, spirit just pours through its higher frequency with little regard for the pain it causes in the bodies.

In the beginning of this stage, I sought knowledge. I wanted to understand the Universe and my place in it. What was my true, divine nature? What is the ultimate truth of this Universe I’ve landed in? Why am I here, why did I come? Who am I? Gosh, I had so many questions. Even though the early years seemed chaotic in many ways, in hindsight I see a strange red thread weaving the tapestry, the hidden terma, treasures of continuous revelation in just the right pace I could absorb, deepening my understanding of soul-mystery. Slowly I was shown, or received hints, where The Great Work had been left off in some past life, what needed to be remembered and what integration and further revelation the soul intended to offer in this life time. I am in no illusion of having finished the job, only preparing for the next incarnation.  

We are all unique and may have high sense perceptions already inherent and developed from previous life-times. I have a very heightened psycho-kinaesthetic sensitivity throughout my bodies’ plural – physical, etheric, emotional, mental and spiritual. When the soul, at my request, started its downpouring, the burning sensation in my bodies were brutal. The most intense burning took altogether some fifteen years and still comes under the pressure of Solar activity and high velocity gamma rays. Each layer – this life, past lives, ancestral fields, entangled groups of national conditions, humanity as a whole etc. they all have their layers of dross, they all represent some pattern, which the soul has come to change, release and uplift. No wonder it is often called “the pealing of the onion” in ordinary parlance, coming to the core of our being takes some pealing.

I didn’t become a scholar or teacher in the perennial wisdom teachings this time – that had happened in a previous life time. Nevertheless, I studied the ageless wisdoms obsessively for years and years, there were things I had to remember. Slowly I learned, that this was a life of soul-infusion, of embodiment, of shadow work and alchemy, transmutation and transformation. I am in a female body, so understanding the sacred feminine and how the process differs in this structure became paramount.

I have come to believe that souls in women structures, are the balancers and custodians of the elements of earth and water, whereas souls in male structures were meant to be the custodian and balancer of fire and air. What I mean is, that we know too little as of yet about the deeper significance of gender and the custodianship role we are supposed to carry for the Earth and her kingdoms. We’ve had matriarchy and patriarchy, but no balanced expression yet. Both have to do their own specific service via the heart and the heart does not even start to open until a good portion of the individual alchemical purification work has been done. Both genders need an open heart, own inner feminine and masculine balance in order for the specific alchemical work to be successful. Service work, which is planetary in scope and therefore of benefit to the whole. This is a hypothesis of mine, so take it as such. Unfortunately, I am not very hopeful that such understanding would come any time soon, it hasn’t landed in esoteric or spiritual communities, they too have, to a large extent, been captured by the left brain and the patriarchal system.

Equal rights and opportunities do not mean sameness, too many women still have to adopt the strategy of strengthening their masculine side, suppressing their feminine side in order to “make it” in this world. If there are any archetypes missing in our current western culture, they would be the Nurturing Mother and the Wise Woman. Mothers have become workforce and older wise women are marginalized into oblivion. We’ve become anti-life.

Especially the western world is currently gender confused, childbirth is dropping rapidly and we are still very far from soul informed deeper balance or understanding of our custodianship role as Gaians. We continue raping and pillaging the planet, even in the latest left-brain example named the Green Deal. We are so clever and good at using our intellectual shrewdness to turn anything and everything into a profitmaking machine, more grabbing, more destroying of Mother Earth. We are moving from pumping oil to digging minerals – how is this in any way sustainable. And looking outside western culture, many still await the emancipation and freedom of women to pursue their own individuation enabling growth. Evolution is slow, that is the harsh fact of the matter.

In this life, I could not just read and study about God, Source and/or divinity; I actually had to do the work and allow the transformation. The knowledge and the wisdom seldom interest me, if it did not translate into a lived experience in my body-mind-soul-spirit temple. I became a plumber of sorts, plumbing the unconscious for blocked energies.

A lot of layers needed to be opened up in order to hear, in-between the mental chatter, the soul’s truer messages, those that echoed in my body, those that showed me where I still held on, where energy got stuck and free flow was somehow hampered.  Eventually the questions became clearer, who is behind my thoughts, who is the observer and what is that consciousness trying to show me. My thoughts were only stepping stones to a deeper presence, a deeper contemplation. In good and clear moments, I enter an “ocean of LOVE”, a perfect balanced poise of BEING with no thoughts whatsoever. One with everything, as if a radiating blessing sitting here on Earth. Throughout the years, entering this state of bliss has become easier, although it never comes on demand, only by surrender. And to be clear it is not only a transcendental experience, but very much present here with the mineral, plant and animal kingdoms. Here’s another hypothesis: when men find enlightenment, they often describe it as emptiness but when women find the same, for them it is an experience of fullness. We have had thousands of years of spiritual bypassing, just opening up our upper temples, transcending, reaching up to the heavens and therefore turning our backs on the equally divine life-forms here on Earth, no wonder matter and mother have been forgotten and only seen as resources.

The vastness of the human electromagnetic field humbles me. An energy of awe and reverence enters, but also layers of vulnerability are activated in the face of this huge vista of plasma light. It is like being surrounded and penetrated by the great Cosmic Mother, both inside and out. Tears rise up easily. “I love you” I tell the light and it responds with hues of violet, lavender, blue and magenta, really all colours of the rainbow, golden sometimes, filling my being with corresponding love energy, expanding me further. It loves me right back. If we just understood the holographic nature of our being, we receive what we put out, it is a reciprocal relationship, like a mirror. It is a paradox to simultaneously feel the inner vastness grow and the significance of personhood decrease into a no-body. A chamber of grace really, totally safe, totally loved in a benevolent Universe. Maybe that is why we are told in the Bible, that the meek shall inherit the Earth. You know with every fibre of your being that it is not about you!

It took years, decades to step into soul, become and identify as the soul, allowing it to take hold and lead the show, even play. I had to make space, let go of distractions, dedicate myself and watch personhood find its rightful place. Tune into the Tree of Life which I am, both Divine, Human and Gaian, all saturated with the sacred. Yes, I am also Gaian and so are you! Eden or paradise is nowhere else, it is right here and it is only here, in incarnated life, where the transformation and the transfiguration can be done. In his book Power vs Force, psychiatrist David R. Hawking proposes that we only need a few Christ-like or Buddha-like beings to counterbalance the frequencies of hundreds of thousands of humans. I’m doing my part, maybe counterbalancing a few thugs, knowing full well that we all belong to the one being, Anima Mundi, the soul of humanity.

My inner child is nowadays at ease, the pain is gone. She tells my soul: “you saw me, thank you”! Like me she is resting now, lower belly, waters and womb calm. The energy flows up and down, in and out without impediments in a dance weaving new imprint. Even though I age, it feels paradoxically as if I have become younger inside. The natural inner flow has brought about even greater sensitivity, a sense of beauty towards all relations in my surroundings, be they human, animal, plant or mineral – all vibrate within an energetic field of life more abundant. Beauty can be found everywhere, if beauty and balance resides within. A co-creative space in constant flow and movement.

The connection becomes stronger when I use my soft singing voice. Soul is as subtle as an intricate snow-flake, weaving her is a delicate matter. Just sounding vowels or doing overtone singing, the energy dances in the garden of life, with the elements, calling forth a purifying wind, sometimes a spark of fire, for more high frequency light to enters. The light knows no boundaries, it penetrates brick and stone likewise, it spins through me down into living Gaia, weaves like mushroom mycelia vast connections in the mineral kingdom, sings and flows with the waters of seas, lakes and river and grounds new energy, connecting with and between all kingdoms.

Gaia rises to meet me. She is my vast watery counterpart, source of joy and creativity, Paradise unknown. Through the years I’ve realised it is her I have come to serve, her divination and ascension. I am her daughter past-present and future. I now know my place, a light and anchor in her body. Water of Life has always been, and will always be the way new Life enters this Planet. She is sacred and the water holds the memory. She is currently in her own birthing process, together with the rest of the Solar System, shedding the old and birthing the new. We can join her, even assist her, or we can resist her. If we do the latter, her chaos may be destructive, but hopefully enough of humanity awakens to her sacred nature and act in responsible ways as the custodians of all LIFE.

The soul’s essence is LOVE. It has a fragrance of rose. I, the personhood, just need to move out of the way and she will come with her blessing. When presence is present this love flows unimpeded uplifting life around.

I didn’t get here without sorrow and pain, I had to look at the contrast of the shadow, heal, uplift and transmute. It too wants to be seen, but hides, sometimes deeply in the unconscious. It is after all at the bottom of the compost heap, where the pearl of great adoration can be found. Our shadow, if we choose to see it in a new way, is there to bring awakening and revelation. It serves us, two sides of the same coin – light & dark. We all have them in equal measure and we all have to befriend and integrate our shadow. Here I have noticed another difference between men and women. Men seem to want to fight and defeat the dragon, a warrior hero approach, whereas women tend to melt, greet, befriend and integrate the dragon. Maybe it is our life-giving watery womb that instinctively knows the dragon is her child as well, and who would want to kill their child?

The more I expanded the more subtle the shadow becomes. It showed its entanglements of ancestral patterns in fields of connection going back many, many generations, the soul IS a group being, knows no separation and all is absolutely interconnected.

Above picture: all the wombs and mothers in my paternal line going back to 13th century Novgorod, current Russia. In aristocracy the maternal line has been shunned and suppressed. My attempt to make these women visible and thank them as part of ancestral healing work.

The shadow has a kind of protective aspect, until we are ready to fully see and feel it. Our defences, after all, were lifesaving at some point and they deserve our respect. The contrast polishes our edges and teaches us humbleness. It is a natural part of life; therefore no one can judge, as each of us are so utterly individual, with inner entanglements we cannot see in the other, it is hard enough to see our own. So much is hidden, so many stories untold, so many layers of unforgiving and hardening.

Meet me there, writes Rumi, in the field of forgiveness. Don’t go back to sleep.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
doesn’t make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.”

Soul- infusion invites forgiveness, there is no avoiding it. She is LOVE and when she enters there is only the way of reconciliation. When the dross is burnt away, nothing else, but LOVE remains.

The hardest may be to forgive ourselves, our choices or non-choices, our body, emotions and thoughts, our organs, cells, molecules, atoms, blood stream, absolutely everything about ourselves. Forgive until all blocks release and flow back into our infinite heart, total acceptance is required. Only LOVE within can flow out as a blessing. The process of melting and surrendering has been a companion for decades, yet still I can catch myself criticizing myself for something.

Everything is relational, we constantly weave relations and grow when relations spark either as a trigger or as a love-spark. We are mirrors and need other mirrors to show us who we are. Our shadow especially loves close relations, as they give it an opportunity to be seen.  I get to observe and reflect upon my own drama. The soul rejoices when this game of life is revealed and allows her wisdom to flow. When something truly gets resolved in all frequences and dimensions it does not need to show itself anymore, it is done and vanishes for good. Initially we understand these relations as only those we have within the human kingdom, but as our field expands it will include all kingdoms of nature as well as soul tribes, inner Ashrams and the Anima Mundi, the Soul of the World. Soul thrives in all of them and we are not separate, although most of humanity still seems to think so.

The souls greatest yearning is to inhabit all corners of my inner Universe and the more I surrender the more my personhood knows it knows nothing without soul and spirit. Be irresistible my soul, intoxicate me is my prayer.

 

This text originated from the data-collection, intuitive process with friends Harriet Fagerholm and Kaisa Peltola. We spent an afternoon facilitated by Harriet with her writing/data collection process. In an intuitive manner we explored areas of: body, thoughts, feelings, needs, inner child, painting/drawing, movement, sound, nature/Gaia, physical environment, love, shadow, sorrow, forgiveness/reconciliation, relations, hearts yearning, dream, will and actions.